Love joke

1. Do you have a date for
Valentine’s Day? Yes, it is
February 14th .
2. Why should you never break
up with a goalie? Because he is a
keeper.
3. What did one boat say to the
other boat? Are you interested in
a little row-mance?
4. What did the patient with the
broken leg say to their doctor?
Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Olive. Olive, who? Olive you, and
I don’t care who knows it.
6. My name is Microsoft. Can I
crash at your place tonight?
7. I love everyone. Some people I
love to be around, while some of
them are people who I would
rather avoid. And then there are
some who I would love to punch
in the face.
8. I love you with all my butt. I
would say my heart, but it is just
not as big.
9. You are like my asthma. You
just take my breath away.
10. You are like dandruff because
I just cannot get you out of my
head no matter how hard I try.
11. You are like my dentures. I
cannot smile without you.
12. You are just like my car
because you drive me crazy.
13. Why do men like to fall in
love at first sight? Because doing
so saves them a lot of money.
14. The funniest joke of all time is
my love life.
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15. Falling in love is like going
deep into a river. It is much
easier to get in it than it is to get
out of it.
16. Can I borrow a kiss from
you? I promise you that I will
give it back.
17. Never laugh at your
significant other’s choices
because you happen to be one of
them.
18. I don’t know your name yet,
but it must be Wi-Fi because I am
feeling such a strong connection
here.
19. There were two antennas who
met on a roof and they fell in
love and decided to get married.
The ceremony was nothing fancy,
but you could tell that they had a
very strong connection.
20. Love is getting mad at
someone, telling that person to go
to hell, and hoping that they get
there safely.
21. Are you familiar with that
tingly feeling that you get in your
body when you start to develop
feelings for someone? That feeling
is actually all of your common
sense leaving your body.
22. You can fall from the sky and
you can fall from a tree, but the
best way for you to fall is to fall
in love with me.
23. We must both be subatomic
particles because I feel this strong
force between the two of us.
24. If I could rearrange the
alphabet, I would put the letters U
and I together.
25. What happened to the two
vampires who went on their first
date? It was love at first bite!
26. Have you ever been fishing
before? I only ask because I
really think that we should hook
up.
27. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Owl. Owl, who? Owl always love
you!
28. I love you today more than I
did yesterday. And that is because
you really ticked me off
yesterday.
29. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Pauline. Pauline, who? I think I’m
Pauline in love with you.
30. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Honeydew. Honeydew, who?
Honeydew you know how much I
love you?
31. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Candice. Candice, who? Candice
be love that I am feeling right
now?
32. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Juno. Juno, who. Juno that you’re
the love of my life?
33. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Frank. Frank, who? Frank you for
loving me.
34. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Eyesore. Eyesore, who? Eyesore
do love you a lot.
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35. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Halibut. Halibut, who? Halibut a
kiss for me?
36. Knock, knock. Who’s there? I
love. I love, who? I love you too!
37. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Iguana. Iguana, who? Iguana love
you forever and always.
38. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Leena. Leena, who? Leena little
closer so I can kiss you!
39. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Olive. Olive, who? Olive you so,
so much!
40. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Canoe. Canoe, who? Canoe give
me a big kiss?
41. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Orange. Orange, who? Orange you
going to kiss me instead of just
standing there?
42. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Harry. Harry, who? Harry up and
kiss me!
43. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Luke. Luke, who? Luke into my
eyes and tell me that you love
me.
44. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Ben. Ben, who? Been thinking
about you all day.
45. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Norma Lee. Norma Lee, who?
Norma Lee I don’t say this, but I
think that I am falling for you.
46. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Anita. Anita, who? Anita kiss
from you.
47. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Ivana. Ivana, who? Ivana spend
the rest of my life with you.
48. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Muffin. Muffin, who? Muffin in
this world can keep us apart.
49. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Aldo. Aldo, who? Aldo anything to
make you happy.
50. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Cynthia. Cynthia, who? Cynthia
you went away, I have been
missing you so much.
51. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Pauline. Pauline, who? I’m
Pauline in love with you more
and more each day.
52. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Snow. Snow, who? Snow use, I
just can’t stop thinking about
you.
53. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Harry. Harry, who? Harry up and
kiss me!
54. Love is like having to pass
gas. If you force, then you are
going to make a mess.
55. Did I tell you that the girl I
have been seeing works at the
zoo? I think she’s a keeper.
56. Did you hear about the
porcupine who was near-sighted?
He fell in love with a pincushion.
57. Being in love is a lot like
central heating in your home.
You turn it on just before your
guests come over and pretend
that your house is always like
this.
58. The voice of love seemed to
call me, and then I realized that it
was a wrong number.
59. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Keith. Keith, who? Keith me, my
love!
60. You are in my heart, my
mind, and in my entire body. In
fact, my doctor says that you
must be a parasite!
61. My boyfriend and I met on
the internet. My mother asked
him what line he used on me and
my boyfriend replied, “I just used
a modem.”
62. A couple are on a date at a
fancy restaurant. The woman tells
the man to say something to her
that will get her heart racing. He
replies, “I forgot my wallet.”
63. Why do painters always fall
for their models? Because they
love them with all of their art.
64. Let’s commit the perfect crime
together. I’ll steal your heart and
you can steal mine.
65. The brain is the most
impressive organ in our whole
body. From the day you are born,
it works 24 hours a day, 365 days
a year, right up until you fall in
love.
66. Women can fake an orgasm,
while men can fake a whole
relationship.
67. Love is a form of amnesia
where a girl forgets that there are
about 1.2 billion other boys out
there in the world.
68. A T-Rex told his girlfriend, “I
love you this much,” as he
stretched out his arms. To which
the girlfriend replied, “that’s not
very much at all!”
69. If I have to choose between
men and shoes, I will choose
shoes. They tend to last longer.
70. I think you might be suffering
from a lack of vitamin me.
71. Forget about the butterflies.
When I am with you, I feel the
whole zoo.
72. Love is not having to hold in
your gas anymore.
73. Do you have a bandage?
Because I just scraped my knee
falling for you.
74. On a scale of 1 to 10, you are
the only 1 for me.
75. Love is a lot like peeing in
your pants. Only you can feel the
warm sensation from such an
experience.
76. What did one volcano say to
the other volcano? I lava you.
77. What is the difference
between love and herpes? Love
does not last forever.
78. The woman was hungry for
love and had no idea where her
next male was coming from.
79. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Amish. Amish, who? Aw, Amish
you too!
80. Romantic love is a mental
illness, but it is a pleasurable
one.
81. When you are in love, it is the
most glorious two and a half
days of one’s entire life.
82. There is a special place where
a man can touch a woman that
will make her go crazy. Her
heart.
83. LOVE stands for Loss Of
Valuable Energy.
84. Our love will never become
cold and hollow unless one day
you refuse to swallow.
85. Love is when I walk to the
other side of the classroom to
sharpen my pen just so I can see
her. And then I realize that I am
holding a pen.
86. I want to spend the rest of my
life trying to get out of debt with
you.
87. Why should you never marry
a tennis player? Because love
means nothing to them!
88. What is the ideal marriage?
One that is between a spouse that
is deaf and a spouse that is blind.
89. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Churchill. Churchill, who?
Churchill be the best place for a
wedding.
90. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Guinevere. Guinevere, who?
Guinevere going to get married?
91. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Will. Will, who? Will you marry
me?
92. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Mary. Mary, who? Mary me, and
I will love you forever.
93. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Abby. Abby, who? Abby
anniversary, my love!
94. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Wanda. Wanda, who? Wanda
marry me?
95. I always like to let my wife
know who the boss is in this
house. And I do that by holding a
mirror up to her face.
96. Do you know what the big
difference is between love and
marriage? Love is the sweet
dream and marriage is the alarm
clock.
97. What is the main difference
between love and marriage? Love
is blind. Marriage, on the other
hand, is the eye opener.
98. My wife is definitely a sex
object in that every time I ask her
for sex, she objects.
99. I have been happily and
blissfully married for 5 years…out
of a total of 20.
100. Bigamy is having one wife
too many, but monogamy is the
same.
101. I was married by a judge.
Little did I know that I should
have asked for a jury too.
102. Marriage comes with no
guarantees, so if that is what you
are looking for, then you are
better off buying a car battery.
103. You cannot buy love, but you
can still pay heavily for it.
104. I have not spoken to my wife
in quite a few years. I just did
not want to interrupt her.
105. Before you decide to make
the commitment to marry a
person, you should have them
use a computer with a very slow
internet connection so they can
show you who they truly are.
106. Love is a condition of
temporary insanity. And the only
available cure for this sickness is
marriage.
107. Marriage is an incredible
invention, but then again so is
the toaster.
108. When a man marries a
woman, it is the highest
compliment that he can pay her,
and it is usually the last.
109. An archaeologist is definitely
the best husband a woman could
ever have. The reason for this is
because the older she gets, the
more he will be interested in her.
110. When a man goes and steals
your wife, the best revenge that
you can have is to let him keep
her.
111. Knock, knock. Who’s there?
Cereal. Cereal, who? Cereal
blessing to be married to you.
112. Do you want to know why
my husband and I will never ever
need a marriage counselor? He
majored in communications in
college and I majored in theater.
So he communicates with me a
lot and I always make the effort
to pretend to listen.
113. One day, a husband told his
wife that her rear end was getting
so big that it was as big as their
grill. Later that night, he tried to
get intimate with her in bed only
for the wife to reply, “do you
really think that I am going to
fire up this grill for just one little
weenie?”
114. What did the astronaut’s
fiancé say when he proposed to
her in open outer space? She
said, “I can’t breathe!”
115. Do you want to know why I
plan on no longer using Google
anymore? Because after all this
time that I have spent searching,
I have found the love of my life
and it is you.
116. A girl asked her boyfriend if
he would still love her after
marriage. He replied, “that
depends on what your husband
will think.”
117. How did the telephone
propose to its girlfriend? He gave
her a ring.
118. A husband and wife are
drinking wine at home. The wife
says, “I love you.” The husband
asks if that is her or the wine
talking. She replies, “It’s me
talking to the wine.”
119. A husband was looking at
himself in the mirror and asked
his wife, “will you still love me
when I am old, fat, and bald?”
She replied, “I do.”
120. You should never be in a big
rush to end your marriage with
your spouse. You never know if
you might need them to finish a
sentence.
121. A man and women were
getting married in a courthouse.
As they were leaving the
courtroom, the bride said to the
groom, “Isn’t it nice to be here
when we’re not being convicted of
something?”
122. My husband is of the opinion
that I am absolutely crazy. But if
he is the one who decided to get
married to me, then that makes
him even crazier than I am.
123. Do you know about the
concept of Newton’s law? It states
that for every idiot, there is an
equal and opposite idiot. They are
called husband and wife.
124. It is said that in the first year
of marriage, the man speaks and
the wife listens. During the
second year of the marriage, the
wife speaks and the husband
listens. And on the third year of
marriage, both the husband and
wife speak and the neighbors
listen.
125. Why are men with pierced
ears much better candidates for
getting married? Because they
have bought jewelry and have
suffered greatly.
126. What are the three big rings
of life? They are the engagement
ring, the wedding ring, and the
suffering.
127. It is very important to have
a woman who can cook, clean,
and take care of the kids. And it
is just as important to have a
woman who can keep you happy
in bed. And most of all, it is
important that these two women
never meet.
128. An older husband and wife
were sitting together at home
when a fairy appeared before
them and offered to grant each of
them a wish. The wife, who had
always wanted to visit Paris,
wished for tickets to Paris and
the fairy granted the wish with a
wave of her wand. A pair of plane
ticket to Paris magically appeared
in the wife’s hand. Then it was
the husband’s turn to make a
wish.
129. The husband said that he
was always jealous of the older
men with much younger and
prettier wives and he wished for
a wife who was 20 years younger
than him. So the fairy waved her
wand and granted his wish. But
imagine the man’s shock when he
opened his eyes to find that he
was 20 years older!
130. A woman made the decision
to break off her recent
engagement and her friend said,
“what happened? I thought it was
love at first sight!” To which the
woman replied, “but the second
and third ones changed my
mind.”
131. Love thy neighbor, but make
sure that her husband is away
first!
132. Love is a very complex
matter of chemistry. And that is
why my wife treats me like toxic
waste!
133. A husband was throwing
knives at his wife’s photo and
missing the target. All of a
sudden, she called to ask what he
was doing. His reply was, “I am
missing you.”
CONCLUSION
Love jokes can be used for many
different occasions and
situations. If you cannot laugh
with your significant other, then
who can you laugh with?
These are just some of the jokes
that you can use on your
significant other. Whether you
are just boyfriend and girlfriend
or if you have been man and
wife for many years, any
relationship can use a little sense
of humor.
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